Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Monkey See Monkey Do

It never fails to amaze me how easily people are manipulated. Today's media has America wrapped around its little pinkie. For example Oprah tells you to read a book on new age philosophy and it becomes a best seller and people change there lives to live how Oprah says to live. I think the most upsetting part of it all is people take what they hear from celebrities or news anchors as hard facts and absolute truth. There "truth" is what they want you to believe. They know you will just take it and run with it. You will never challenge what they say and you will never do your own research. And if anyone challenges what they say you will make sure to mock them in your arrogant superior way.After all you know best you are informed, you watch the news and read the newspaper. In reality you are just a puppet. The sad part is the people you put all your faith and trust in think you are incapable of making your own decisions so they will have to make them for you. Honestly I could go on like this for paragraphs and paragraphs but I wont. All you have to do is look around. Turn on your TV watch how the teens emulate every trashy thing they see on mtv how the kids channels are making fun of Christians and their beliefs (my son was so upset that one of his favorite channels made fun of something he believes so strongly in) . Look in your grocery store and see how your food rights have been taken from you. And soon you wont be able to decide how you heal your own body. You have no part in your childs public school education. And the very WORST PART IS as a people we dont care! We take what the Government and Big Corporations (very often the same people are involved on both sides) and say thank you can I have another. We put our trust in them because they give us things. They give us things to take our  freedoms knowing we wont notice or wont care because whats in our hands is shiny and new. Please dear friends OPEN your eyes and dont take things at face value. Dont just pick a side and stick with it. If we want to save our Nation WE as a PEOPLE have got to THINK for OURSELVES. Bad things are coming dont get caught with your pants down

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Come Just as You Are *may be offensive to some*

For years now I have seen these coexist bumper stickers. What a bunch of crap really. The idea is nice in theory but impossible. Why? Well when it comes down to it most of us will want the other to believe what we believe. Are you just going to say "oh ok you think i'm wrong about why i think i exist and my core values. no biggie" My guess is no. For example, I believe Jesus is the only way to heaven and with out him, his grace and salvation you dont go to heaven... end of story. Which of you did this upset? I mean how could I possibly think this right? What gives me the right to say who is going to heaven and who is not? WE are all good people right?  How close minded do you think I am right now? Dont you want to change my mind? Your beliefs make far more sense right? Does any one see where i am going with this?
NO we will never peacefully coexist. I think 9/11, the Holocaust, the whole slavery thing, Israelite's and Palestinian's fighting over Israel [which does all belong to the Jews in my opinion.( ooops I bet i just made someone upset again)] and well really I could go on but I wont. Where am I going with this? Stop telling me I need to be more tolerant of your ideas when you cant tolerate mine. Hey people I love you all just as you are really I do. Keep preachin your crazy ideas and I'll do the same (even tho I am right and you are soo not)
As always LIVE, LAUGH and above all LOVE

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Envy and Guilt

I am full of Envy and Guilt. Envy because I want to be all those amazing wives and mothers I know and Guilt because I am not them. You know the women who get the laundry done and put away in a timely manner. The ones who have unearthly patience with their children. They can craft and play all day long with no mental breakdown. Their houses are white glove clean and organized. Whose gardens dont die the day after being planted..... stupid plants.
Its not that i dont try. I pray and pray for patience and energy. When the morning come around I tell myself today I will be the wife and mother i so desperately want to be. And sometimes for an hour or so I am. But most days I look at what has to be done and i feel guilty because I dont want to do it. I dont want to do the dishes, fold the laundry and put it away. Honestly I dont know how so many clothes are used in one day! And the dust in this house! Everything could be dusted twice a day and the floors could be cleaned just as much! And when I fail and everything doesnt get done I cripple myself with guilt. Its a viscous circle. Right now I am thinking about the dishes in the sink that need to be washed and the fact that i havent put away the clean ones yet. And the clothes that need to be folded and put away. I am wondering how the boys can possibly be out of clean socks seeing as how i just washed and actually put away a dozen pairs a couple days ago! I think mother hood is the single hardest thing to do in the entire world. I am so worried about their teenage years! I cringe at all the things they will do or be tempted to do! Whew now is not the time to think about those things......... Except that I am molding their futures now with how we behave as a family now!
You know what? I need to just take a breather and focus on what I do actually  do for my family. It is easy to get caught up with how much every one else is doing and how they seem better at every thing.I need to look at where my family started and where we are now. And just how miraculous that is. When i stop now and think about how much I have grown and changed in just the last year it gives me renewed hope. My oldest son is getting better day by day. Yes the past still affects us the most but we are getting better. The lord is good. How easily I forget how different my life has been than others. For almost 10 years life was abnormal and if life can change and grow in this past year the way it has, why should i feel envy or guilt. I should feel proud and hopeful. Proud of how much we have grown and overcome. Hopeful for a full future. Hopeful that as I continue to grow as a person and overcome past circumstances that I will become the wife and mother I want to be. Hopeful that Noah will pull through his issues and that Ethan will continue to grow out of his autism. Emily was young enough I dont think things got her the way they did the rest of us.
Man I love this. I started this post very sad and am ending it proud, hopeful and really thankful. Awesome!
LIVE, LAUGH, and above all LOVE

Friday, April 8, 2011


Monday I will be 28. I'm that much closer to 30! The funny thing is 30 frightens me but 40 does not. Who knows why?What does one do in their 30's? I think a big part of it is not being in my 20's anymore. You know an official grown up. Maybe it feels a little like the end of youth. But now that I think about it, I didnt care for most of my youth. Not that there wasn't good times, just far and few between. Most of the bad times were all caused by some stupid thing or things I did. Why should I be afraid of moving out of my youth. What a stupid time filled with stupid mistakes! How many of you look back now and say "If I knew then what I know now!"? The sad part now is watching young woman make the sames mistakes or worse ones. Why is it we feel invincible? Do we always have to make our own mistakes? I pray my kids never make the ones I did and still do. To be completely honest I think todays youth are far worse and way more self destructive than any of us were. Its not that they are growing up to fast, its just that they are being exposed to adult content in a morally void way. In there young minds they see what the world is showing and flock to it like sheep. I still am guilty of this at times. How can they be expected to do the right thing if we cant even teach them what the right thing is! My awesome friend Tiffany Miller wrote on her facebook "I wish people would realize that real love is greater, and safer than lust.."  
She is right on the mark with this one. Raise your hand if Lust has led you to pain, loss, brokenness?  Funny that i am on the subject of Love again. I think everything boils down to love or the lack of love.  Even the rebelliousness of our youth. If we loved them enough to shelter them from overt sexuality and the notion that random hook ups are ok. That drugs and alcohol are cool. Maybe if we hold onto them and tell them "You are special, you are perfect, not a single thing is wrong with you. God created you with a great purpose , He loves you and so do I!" Do you think that would help revolutionize the world? Do you think a lot of hurting would end? I think so. 
Well pray for me, and wish me luck... I am off to go practice what i preach.
LIVE LAUGH and above all LOVE

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Country Life and Love

Today I was in the shower thinking, honestly most of my ideas come to me in the shower, about  what i was going to write a blog about. I settled on the idea of love. Love is a tricky thing, it comes so easy for some things but so hard for others. For example it is easy to love my family but it is difficult to love politicians. Yeah my blog was going to be a rant about how we should love each other as we would want to be loved. After all dont we all just want to be loved? But then i thought what good will this do? Every one knows hate is bad but we all do it. I could say love as Jesus loves us, but what does that matter to people who dont believe in Jesus?Love could change the world thats for sure, but I look around and see the hardness in hearts. And thinking about it overwhelms my soul. So instead of preaching a message of how one should love I am going to just simply live it and hope it catches on as a way of life.
Speaking of ways of life, I just finished reading a novel based on the Amish. Those are some hard core people. A little to hard core for my modern tastes. They have this Family based system thats amazing. I have noticed the more dysfunctional the family, the more dysfunctional the individual. So in an effort to give my children the best I am going to focus on a more family based system than a worldy based system. Lets see the world tells us to get get get. It tells us we need things, status, money, lovers, and the newest of gadgets. Honestly there is nothing wrong with nice things, I like nice things. But to focus and strive for it instead of sturdy long lasting loving relationships is not how to build a happy future.I look at the life i  use to want and have and its silly. I was lonely all the time and hurting. Where as the life i have now is full of love and joy. and by the way maybe you dont have a blood family maybe its a group of loyal friends it doesnt matter. Or maybe you have family and you all dont get along for some reason or another, maybe try to reconnect. I know i am getting off the topic here......  The problem here is i have a lot to say and i tend to trail off . 
OK so family matters and thats where my country life comes in. I wont lie it is easier when you are disconnected from the hustle and bustle of city life it is easier to think about what really matters. For me when i am in wide open spaces my soul quiets and i can feel God and His love, when that happens i have more love to give to my family. Its when i can look at a project like moving a chicken coop and starting a garden not as a lot of work but as a time to come together as a family and share each others company. to laugh and have a great time. This past weekend I went to my In laws house to move the chicken coop so we can plant a larger garden. It was a hot long weekend and i was sick and got a sunburn, but I had a blast. We had some laughs and the cousins got to run around in the fresh country air and play their little hearts out. And when the coop was moved and the yard was up around it we got to chase the birds down in the dark and put them all in. It sounds like a lot of work, and it was, but we all laughed and acted like kids. Nathan dove into the dirt at one point in time trying to catch a duck. We were down on our hands and knees looking under trucks for renegade fowl. A former marine screamed and ran from a flock of geese. I got pooped on by a chicken. it was so fun! Honestly I have totally lost my train of thought and so I am going to stop writing before I confuse you any more than I already have. Maybe next time i will write it out on paper first and edit it before it goes up for you.
Live, Laugh, and above all LOVE.

Monday, March 28, 2011


Today my plan was to sit at the computer and Google Monsanto subsidiaries and products. My goal was to find who they own and what they make so I can make sure my family avoids them. Whew what a can of worms. This company covers its tracks well thats for sure. I am going to provide a link here for you all to check out.

Needless to say it is going to be difficult to avoid their vast reach. Seeing as the local super Walmarts organic foods could all be carried around in a hand basket. Thank goodness growing season is upon us and i can do my best to grow us some yummy food, that is if the neighborhood cats dont dig up my seedlings again! That was heart breaking for sure.
You know what I would like to do? I want to rent out the little grocery store on the corner and open up my own grocery store with GMO free products. Well thats all I have to rant about right now.
LIVE , LAUGH, and above all  LOVE!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Warmer Weather

What beautiful weather we have been having!! We spent the weekend at the lake with Barts family and that was a blast. The kids loved playing in the water and with the cousins. To my surprise they all slept in the kid tents. To my dismay I am older and the sleeping bag on the ground did not really work for me. WE will be camping a lot this warm season, with an air mattress of course!
Today was in the mid 80's and its fabulous. To think about a month ago it was 4 degrees and we had snow. You gotta love Oklahoma, if you don't like the weather wait 15 minutes lol.
   I started some more seeds today and bought some plants from the nursery. Well first i purchased a strawberry plant from Walmart, then decided to go to Montgomery's and the had a great selection of healthy plants. Not only were they in better condition , they were cheaper!I bought a beautiful lavender bush for $8.99 Stevia for $3.99 and a lovely strawberry plant with little green berries already on it for $1.59. Oh and a 5 pound bag of red seeder potato's for $2.99. I am so excited to have a kitchen garden. Hopefully i will get over to my Mother in Laws house soon to help get the big garden started. It will be great to work with her and learn about how to garden in Oklahoma. OK so today I started three different varieties of heirloom tomatoes, heirloom chocolate brown bell peppers, heirloom black zuchinni, heirloom salad greens and, luffa gourds! A week or so ago I had planted cilantro, green basil, purple basil, thyme and bunch onions. Yesterday i noticed the cilantro is sprouting and today the purple basil.What a wonderful gift are seeds? Such tiny things that produce life giving food filled with vitamins and minerals. It is truly a miracle. My amazing and hardworking hubby is picking up the tiller today so we can get the front yard all ready to go for more of my planting madness.I think I have Spring Fever! I hope you catch it from me!! Mwahahahahaha...


Friday, February 25, 2011


i was so excited to get going as a homemaker and then i get sick. wow that slowed me down. the kids were sick i was sick, ick! what a week! we are all doing better today, not totally over it but better. so i am going to kick it into overdrive and do my utmost best to make up for my sick days. on the bright side i caught up on the recent world events, well not such a pretty picture. the world is about to be an even hotter mess than it previously was. one must have faith in times like these. without it times seem scary. i am thinking these are the signs the bible talks about. to long i have been afraid to speak about God like i should. To afraid of what people would think about me. it is easy to forget it is not peoples opinions i should worry about. To all my non believer friends im sorry it is unforgivable of me to not share my full beliefs. i know many of you are bitter or hurt by christians and or God. let me just say God is not those people who have let you down. He is forgiving and loving and has a plan for all of us, we just have to seek him to find out what that is. I urge all of you to pray, dont feel silly about it just start talking out loud to Jesus and see what happens. you can even get mad and just rant and rave. Again it is important to remember people and some of their views are not God. I promise if you genuinely seek Him you will find him. Dont be afraid of what people will think of you. and if your spouse is less than enthusiastic with you wanting to look at His ways its ok. Just keep going for it and they will see the results thru you. i promise we are not all judgmental hypocrites.
Live Laugh and above all Love

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Adventures in homemaking

so heres the deal, everyone who has read most of my posts knows i wanted to be a self sustainable homestead type person. and yeah that is still my long term goal for my family. The idea has been put on hold because i have come to realize there are a whole list of life lessons i should learn first. One is homemaking. before i can build my dream home i should get down how to keep a nice home. a few of you may be thinking, "but wait she is a mother of 3 children she must have kept house before?" and to a degree i have, but my first homes where less than normal as my marriage was dysfunctional to say the least. after that i lived with my parents and was comfortable letting my mother keep house. any of you who have been to my parents house for any occasion know you are cared for very well there. so needless to say i have never really gotten to play my role as wife and mother the proper way. and this is my new job,wife,mother,homemaker. i must confess i am nervous, it is a lot to do.thankfully i have a patient husband who keeps me optimistic. when i fail and get mad and throw a hissy fit he reminds me it takes practice and i will get better and better. my children, poor things, are used to me so it can only get better for them. i am excited to grow as a person and i try not to dwell on my sad past of unimpressiveness. so stay tuned for my adventures in homemaking.

Monday, February 7, 2011

i got married

yeah i am impatient and could not wait until october to get married. in all honesty why wait? i have found the man i never dreamed of. he exceeds any expectation i have ever had. it seems strange to me to feel so loved because i didnt know men could love like this. honestly words really cant explain how i feel about him. God obviously made him just for me.to tell you all the truth i never really grasped God's love till now. you know when the prostitute Mary Magdalene comes to Jesus and weeps at his feet? well i sometimes feel like weeping at Barts feet in thankfulness. you know not tears of sorrow but of overwhelming love and joy. i am even getting a little misty eyed writing this. he makes me so excited for life and my kids too! noah smiles all the time. they all love him! i wrote a blog post awhile about my brother and how he showed me what a father looked like and such. my husband is that man. we are all so happy together as a family. he works so hard for us and i love him. all the things that i have gone thru seem like nothing when i am at his side. and thats where i plan on staying for the rest of our lives. well thats it for now his arms are waiting.

Monday, January 17, 2011

For all you snoopy snoops :P

Ok here it goes...
I met Bart on an online dating site.We talked 7 hours the first night. And we do that almost every night.Although he is the responsible one and cuts us off at 2 am. We talk about everything. I feel safe talking about everything. I knew he was the "one" the first night we talked. I havent really told anyone about him because i didnt want to jinx it.I love him for so many reasons, he is everything a man should be. no its not a crush, its not just lust, its a deeper. why is it? i dont know it just is. Before Bart i only saw me in my future, and was ok with that. Men where intrusive and abusive and that was that. now i cant picture a life with out him.My kids love him, and he cant wait to be there for all of us. im getting married to Bart and thats that! God has given me so much peace with this. thank you all for your kind words and i hope this answers enough of your snoopy snoop questions. if it doesnt ask my mom to answer them, she would love too!
Live Laugh and above all Love

Monday, January 10, 2011


Today i watched Food Matters (www.foodmatters.tv) with my parents. I had watched it the night before and was very impressed so of course they HAD to watch it. Any who part of it is about vitamin C. so my dad gets excited because we have some and he proceeds to find it and hand it out. and we all happily chew them up yummy and super sweet. so i decide to read the label. sigh so sad the first ingredient was sugar. i the decide to look thru all of our other supplements and was amazed at how much sugar was in them. please o in your vitamin cabinet and have a look. i threw all ours out. oh and watch that movie!!! its just so sad that we cant even pick up a simple vitamin with out looking for sugar