Thursday, December 30, 2010

a life filled with something special

   It is easy to let the negative take over. for some its the norm and anything else is uncomfortable or viewed as silly. I myself can be guilty of such an attitude as some of you have read my posts. But i am most comfortable as my full of faith self. Today i am full of faith as i have been for a long time with some obvious negative hiccups in between. No biggie tho just keep on keepin on.
  So what keeps my life full of something special? Faith in the Good Lord. Everything might be going to shit around me but i know God is here and will keep the most important part of my family safe. Jesus equals a life full of something special because without him i would have no faith and without faith i would let the world swallow me whole.
  The world has always been a scary place. People are nasty evil creatures if left to themselves. Dont believe me? Lets take a look at the world as of right now. Google monsanto. Thats just one example and i will not dwell on that right now. I'm saving them and a couple others for a special blog post. ps researching gets tiresome.
  As a person i have to continually look at my life and focus on the joyous things it has to offer:
  • the laughter of my children
  • my dog always happy to see me
  • the blue birds in the trees
  • fresh eggs from my beautiful chickens
  • sir milo peaches purr
  • mammas cooking
  • dads ability to build or fix anything
  • good friends
  • a wonderful place to live
  • food to eat
  • clean water to drink
  • a fresh cup of coffee
  • a glass of wine
  • my childrens ability to forgive and their child like faith
  • music
  • people who read my awesome blog     
As you see the list can go from big things to little things. Whatever makes you smile. And if you cant smile at anything look  inside yourself and find the root of your fear ,sadness, bitterness, anger, hate, anxiety, or whatever else it is and come to terms with it. learn to forgive and let go. those two things are key to a life filled with something special. and dont argue my something special list with a nothing special list because anyone can do that and it will keep you down. Dont let anyone keep you down !
 And FYI damn anyone who says my life or yours is anything but special. You and your life are special and precious no matter what or who you believe in. Lets live it to the fullest!!
 

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

a quickie

i have so many thoughts rolling around in my head i dont know where to go with them. i have so many i cant fall asleep at night because they go constantly. and dont let yourself fool yourself, you will regret it and it will drive you nuts later. i also think of the people i let go and never should have and others that i held on to for way to long. i try and try to pretend like i dont care about certain things but i really do. i guess i am thinking about the year ahead and how it really is a new chance for me. i really dont know to many people and no one knows how self destructive i have been. basically no one knows the stupid me. sigh my heart skips beats. i am afraid of my future. i have absolutely no clue what it holds for me or my kids. its a bizarre feeling because i finally feel comfortable and safe in a home. a home i am excited to call my own and i feel secure with where we are at physically. i know it will be ok because i have faith in Jesus. but i would like to have a plan, i just cant figure one out. so i will go on day by day doing one thing at a time. taking care of my family working with my dad and taking care of my ever expanding collection of small animals.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

torn

Is anyone else torn between being two people?
I am. Part of me wants to be free,natural , and live a simple life. The other part wants to be a power player in the corporate world, savvy, sophisticated, and dressed to kill. traveling the world and living very glamorous. I know with enough work and determination I could accomplish either one. Sigh- but which one?
On one side being the care free Ashley would be just that care free a life void of pesky deadlines and busy schedules. A life full of honest hard work. Waking up to work the land and tend to animals making the most out of what we have. teaching my children the joys of simple living, the importance of family, and the rewards of living close to nature the way God intended. Knowing that what we consume we created or know who created it. No reason to focus on the commercial world and desperate to fit in with the latest trends.
Or the other me, dressed in my pencil skirt ,killer heals and perfectly tailored blazer stepping out of my nice car onto the side walk of a major city ready to take on some major business dealings. Never needing to rely on any one to help me get thru the day. A nice place to live in a great area, the kids going to great schools and needing nothing. Traveling the world meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. Never worried about the harvest or how to feed the family and animals trhu the winter.
All i know is as of right now i am at a crossroad. I really want to know in what direction to go.I am no longer satisfied with letting the world toss me around. Its not cool with me to just go with what is wanted of me by other people. I want to know what I am going to ne doing for the rest of my life. I want to get it started!