Sunday, September 26, 2010

lame rantings

today i feel lame. well tonight really. i am looking at all my friends and familys pictures and blogs and such. none of them seem to have messed up as badly as i have in life. they are all doing things the way it should be done. graduate high school go to college find a job get married have babies be happy. the only part i have done is have babies. i have worked here and there but not really anything one could call a career. i feel as tho i am constantly letting the people around me down. its a viscous cycle really. i want a career to support my kids, i just cant seem to find one. i would love to live sustainably on a farm but wouldnt you know it that costs a butt load of money. and i would love to say to my parents go on go be 50 and free. I need a plan of action. I know life is gonna get hard for a bit. i might even have to get rid of my chickens and goat and pony. I have already re applied for walmart. that alone makes me want to cry. but as a single mother i have to do something to bring in the bacon right? if i can stick it out there and work 2 jobs then i will have some money to save and then be able to buy a house for the kids and i. then i will feel like a good mom and a good daughter. i'll be honest the thought of raising these 3 kids alone is horrifying. but other woman have done it right? so i can. it just about thinking positive. i cant let this fear take over because it is crushing to the point of debilitation. positive positive positive. i can for sure fix the damage i've done to our lives. besides whats a good life without knowing what you did to get there. you cant fully appreciate something unless you've worked hard for it right?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

postponed

First off I'd like to say Yay!!! The internet is working!!!!
I am sitting here on a saturday afternoon relaxing after a morning of cheer reluctantly watching barbie in the three musketeers again. My Dad has just informed me we have some digging to do outside. so my blog will have to wait again. but its all worth it because i enjoy the country life mud and all!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

computer

a week or so ago my computer charger went cu put. luckily for me i have a genius dad who rigged it for me to use. i cant move the computer anywhere but hey at least its on.I recently purchased a new digital camera and have been dying to put my already 400+ pictures online but alas my internet connection is being dumb tonight. i will have a better blog later but for now after an hour trying to upload pictures i am ready to call it a night. tomorrow is monday and that means happy children to get up in the morning for school.......... blech........